Hand Shakes, Cultural Responsiveness, and Precision in Language and Thought

This week, our world music class read an article by Carlos R. Abril entitled Toward a More Culturally Responsive General Music Classroom. At the end of class, each student filled out a short questionnaire on the topic of cultural responsiveness. The last question asked something like "what is one of your concerns/fears regarding your cultural responsiveness in the classroom?" to which I answered that I fear the possibility that I will someday(s) falter in my precision of language and thought, and fall into the trap of wording a question or response in a culturally unresponsive manner without realizing it.

Coincidentally, I had a conversation with a close friend yesterday that touched on this very concern. This friend, whom I will call Frank, made the point that in "other cultures" hand-shakes can be performed very differently than they often are "here." For example, according to Frank, in India 2 or more persons will maintain the grip and motion of a hand-shake throughout a transaction, say to buy something at a market, which is much different than "how we usually shake hands."

At this point in the conversation, I began feeling a bit puzzled, as I have shaken hands many times with many people and in many different ways: some people shake with smaller motions, and some bigger; some persons will make multiple motions after the initial grip is established (up and down repeatedly), while others perform a single up-down motion before releasing the grip; still others make no motion at all while their hands are in contact. The grip used can vary greatly as well. For example, a former bass teacher of mine has a very strong grip, and so I have to use equal strength when shaking his hand to congratulate him after a performance, lest my hand be crushed. When meeting a lady for the first time, I tend to use a light touch and let her hand drape over mine, as I was once taught that this was proper in many instances.

I tried questioning Frank to determine what kind of hand shake "we usually use," but he was not able to, or not interested in, demonstrating for me, and so we moved on in our conversation. I felt I was put in a somewhat tough position at this point. In my mind, I thought I had to make a decision whether or not to probe Frank with further questioning and possibly pointing out to him that not everyone's hand-shake "here" [in America, I assume] follows the same format, and that he should be aware of this and demonstrate that awareness through better word choice; would I sternly point this out in front of a mutual friend in the car with us, potentially eliciting push-back from Frank in an attempt by him to save face? In the end, I elected to let this point go for the sake of diplomacy in the moment, and to keep it in mind in case a similar conversation ever occurs between us.

I wish I had had a better opportunity to address this issue with Frank, because in the process I could have accomplished some important social objectives: 1) I would have gained greater insight into Frank's cultural disposition, and learned which what sort of hand-shake he is most familiar and in what context(s) he most often shakes hands; 2) I would have helped Frank to improve the precision of his language and thought regarding the norms of one culture versus another (for example, how "I" usually shake hands, rather than how "we" usually do), and to better anticipate the need for a demonstration of something like a hand-shake to clarify his examples. In my music classroom, wherever and whomever I teach, I will have to work to accomplish these objectives all the time.